Showing posts with label Pinhead. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pinhead. Show all posts

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Review - Hellraiser Revelations

For those of us who worked through the era of faxes and xeroxes we remember a term called image degradation. Image degradation happens when you fax a copy of a fax or copy a copy of a copy and each copy gets copied or each fax gets faxed untill the document is barely readable. Helraiser Revelations suffers from franchise degradation. the movie, which has all the trappings of what one might expect from a Hellraiser feels like a copy of a copy of a copy... the formula is there, but the original inspiration has been bastardized so many times that its barely recognizable.

Barker's initial vision showed us the depravity of the human soul and the power of obsesion. It was a sexual sadistic social commentary on the human psyche and fetishism. The threat was every bit a human one as it was a supernatural one. It grounded the idea and when Barker's angels of pain showed themselves, the terror felt palpable and somehow real despite its origins. It was Barker's introduction as a director and the translation of his own work to celluloid proved a striking and horrific entry into the genre. Its sequels, however, proved to be the very definition of cinematic ''image degradation.
After Hellbound: Hellraiser 2, the series became more of a Hellraiser Presents sort of venture, with the cenobites barely bookending the central story. By the time Hellworld made its STV debut the central stories had so little to do with the original mythology that they barely bore the Hellraiser stamp. Revelations seeks to return the franchise back to its roots...unfortunately, it comes across as a reinvention, and one that seems to pay homage to a copy of a copy of the original, missing its mark by a mile.

The story centers on two young men, bored with school, suburbia and everyday life, who decide to take holiday in search of excitement and adventure to relieve their simultaneous case of the doldrums. This is the film's first mistake. Horror enthusiasts, the fans that actually sustain the economic longevity of films through rentals and sell through, remember when horror films were made with actors of all ages, not just post-pubescent teens. We understand that studios are trying to appeal to a VERY specific demographic. Unfortunately these same studios are often so out of touch with their core audience that they will sacrifice years of healthy receipts for a strong opening weekend or VOD release date. Hellraiser Revelations is a prime example of a studio with a franchise that is adored by hardcore fans, yet the persistence of the studio to appeal to a younger audience has bastardized the storyline almost beyond repair. Hence the new entry follows a pair of late teens/ twenty somethings sharing their vapid adventures with an audience that will find it next to impossible to connect with the leads. This is the first mistake's legacy throughout the duration of the film. You simply don't and almost CANNOT care for the central characters. We are given so very little development to two characters whose well being is so beyond the scope of our compassion that we cease to care about what happens to them, let alone the equally annoying peripheral characters.

**SPOILERS**
Like most ill guided forays into genre screenwriting, it is the characters that make or break the tale. This might be the perfect opportunity to reintroduce another lost but still relevant term: YUPPIES. Thats exactly what the entire cast of this film portrays, yuppies. Each and every character represents the very element of our society that has taken their privaleges and used their position to suck the very life out of the middle class (note to filmmakers: a big portion of the horror going audience are hard working blue collar Americans... Americans who might find it very difficult to identify with Revelations' cast.)

SOOO, we have two yuppie teens who decide that their lifestyle (albeit relaxed, pampered and full of hope and promise through ample amounts of mommy and daddy's money) is just too unbearable and to alieve the pressures of ..aw hell let's just make something up here.. umm... growing pains... sure... take off to distant shores in hope of finding themselves. They run into trouble and before they can be whisked back to suburbia they find themselves in a whole other world entirely. The boys' problems follow them back to the good ole US of A and they disappear. Leaving only a videotape with a very different and portly looking Pinhead on it as to what ill fate might have befell them, the boy's families frantically search for answers. THIS is actually the bulk of the film. The boys' misadventures are told through flashbacks of the videos left on the camera and we are left to spend more time with their families, who are equally uninteresting. Revelations tries to insert the core of what made the first film great, but it has absolutely no idea how to go about it and in the end, the only semblance of hell it manages to conjure up... is a little steam, as in "steaming pile". AVOID.



Hellraiser: Revelations is available on DVD and Bluray disc at all major retailers and also available on VOD in select areas.

Review - Hellraiser: Hellworld


The 8th installment of Clive Barker's Hellraiser franchise is about as enjoyable as shitting a live Rotweiler. It is a prime example of a studio so determined to suck every last drop from one of it's cash cows teats that the teat ends up looking like a lifeless pink twizzler ran through the rinse cycle one too many times. As it goes, "one too many times" is what best characterized this tired and overall impotent entry in the series. It is also the Friday the 13th part 5 of the series.. A shade of it's former self that leaves you wondering "just where is all the hell raisin in dis here Hellraiser" (note that I am wearing a Dale Jr. shirt as I say this... You know... To sell the drama of it..shucks and tarnation and for some reason all these girls with what my father used to call flowerpot tits just can't stand to leave their shirts on.. All due to the heavy thrum of an engine blasting its way through rural Kentucky!)? You know what would really make for a great Hellraiser if this were National Sarcasm Day? How bout one with virtually no Cenobites that manages to literally ass blast the mythology of the series right down the toilet. So maybe "ass blast" is what best characterizes this movie... Sure.. It does roll off the tongue and I see the ewwwww face you're making at that powerful piece of wordsmithing...

Hellworld starts off with an extremely uninteresting group of teenagers (and I know what you're thinking, "teenagers is such a novel way to try to reinvigorate the franchise and capture a new younger market...yawn.") and unfortunately tries to push the story forward with them... There's the beautiful and highly intelligent yet jaded and despondent girl, the horn dog pretty boy, some other girl (just insert stereotype here and let's be done with it), the token black guy AND the troubled, and psychologically shaken hero grappling with his past...sadly even the tired descriptions are more interesting than their celluloid counterparts. The teens, connected by the death of a mutual friend are all enthusiasts of Hellworld, a Hellraiser themed game that looks so utterly behind the times that at one point all of the characters completely abandon it for the drawing power of Trouble... Yes, with the pop-o-magic bubble.. Well no... But it was definitely warranted. Upon completing this steaming little pile of pixels each "person" is given an invitation to a Hellworld party hosted by the android Bishop from Aliens... Sorry.... "synthetic person"... Who now how has an earring which ,in case you didn't know the score, makes any man over 60 cool enough to host some lame ass rave in their house where young women walk around in leather vests with their boobowahs hang in out (I have my ears pierced and the closest I got was seein a couple of wrinkly old bean bags at a Kiss concert that coughed up a cloud of dust during the second verse of Strutter). during the course of the night our protagonists get faced with their own fears (yeah, Why not say to hell with Cenobites and that cube that has generated the studio a bazillion dollars and and just rewrite the rules..sure...) and several die..or do they? Sigh... Turns out that Bishop Is connected to the death that in turn connects our teens or young adults or desperate thirty something actors or whatever together and has orchestrated all of the events in the film to exact his revenge for the death of his son... Who apparently kicked it do to excessive shoveling because all we see the sweaty chap do in flashbacks is hurl dirt over his shoulder while apparently having some kind of heat stroke. So Bishop enlists the help of a drug that apparently does WHATEVER THE FUCK you want it to including mass hallucinations and illicit LOTS of oral sex (ok... I would definitely take the drug...well it's probably a gateway drug... But not to a gateway to Hell because we've already established that this just ain't that kind of Hellraiser movie)? we get dashes of Cenobites here and there before the gang drives the mystery machine right through the script letting us know that this has been nothing more than "events inspired by Hellraiser" and the bulk of the movie has been in the minds of the drugged..err.. Teens. Yeah... Thanks for takin us on the ferry to shit town Mr. Bishop!!! Avoid.

Hellraiser: Hellworld is currently available on Netflix streaming.
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